Talking About a Prenup With Your Children

As parents, it’s natural for us to want to, well, parent. When your child finds the person they want to spend their life with, parenting may feel a little different. Your little girl or boy is no longer making decisions solo, but instead with a partner they love and trust. Talking to your child about a prenup agreement is a way for you to still parent.

You want to celebrate their joy and welcome a new person into the family. You also may wonder what this means for your and their finances. Both can be true. There may be a little bug in your ear reminding you that you have a legacy to protect, and marriage can dramatically alter what was an otherwise concrete estate plan, muddying the waters.

The idea of a prenuptial agreement may pique your interest, but it can feel overwhelming to put that weight on your newly engaged child. First, let’s reframe some assumptions about the whys of a prenup. Most people aren’t jumping for joy at the idea of these conversations, but they’re important to have, regardless of the outcome.

When pursued, many newly engaged couples find that these conversations deepen their connection and give clarity to the money side of the marriage. No one plans on watching their home go up in flames yet we carry homeowners’ insurance. You can think of a prenuptial agreement as a type of marriage insurance. It’s not a prediction of failure; more a layer of protection in case things go wrong.

Similarly, you hope never to have to use your auto insurance, but you might feel better about driving when you have it. A prenup can give you the same feeling about your marriage. The aim is to strike a balance between joy and preparation. After all, preparation is the key to success.

Handled with care, this conversation can ensure that both your child’s future and the family’s legacy are supported, no matter where their marriage takes them.

Coaching yourself first

Like most conversations between a parent and their adult child, it’s helpful to prepare yourself beforehand. What does success look like? What emotional tone do you want your child to register? It’s a conversation, yes. But planning out the points you want to make ahead of time can set you up for success. Choose a calm setting and a peaceful time — conversations about money, marriage, and legacy rarely go well when rushed or under stress.

Ultimately, this isn’t just about you. Yes, your own legacy plans may be impacted by your child’s decision, but primarily, your child is working through what is best for themselves and their partner. Your goals around legacy preservation don’t rest entirely on their choice. Even if they decide not to pursue a prenuptial agreement, you still have tools like irrevocable trusts that can help safeguard family wealth for future generations. As for your child, they should invest the time with their partner to determine if the benefits of a prenuptial agreement are right for them. If you want to stay out of it while they navigate this decision, your financial advisor can support in guiding that dialogue with your child and their fiancé.

Opening the conversation

If you choose to drive this dialogue, that’s equally great, and we have some suggestions. When the time comes to talk, don’t bury the joy of the moment. Express your excitement for the wedding ahead and your support for their marriage. This creates a foundation of love and encouragement before you move into more delicate topics. From there, gently seek to learn more about whether there have been talks around finances or prenups in their conversations with their partner.

Your most important role is to listen and learn. Give your child space to share their perspective and validate what you hear. Sometimes being heard makes it easier for them to listen to you in return. If they seem open, you might transition by saying something like, “I’d like to share a few things that have been on my mind. Would it be okay if I talked a little about how I’m feeling around family money?” Using “I” statements keeps the tone supportive rather than directive.

What to share

When you do share your perspective, keep it grounded in values and love. You might explain that you’ve worked very hard to build the family’s wealth and that you hope to see it benefit your children and grandchildren. You can acknowledge that you want their marriage to last a lifetime, while also recognizing that things don’t always unfold as planned.

Lean into the positive outcomes of a prenuptial agreement. For many couples, it encourages clear communication about finances, deepens trust, and provides both partners with a greater sense of security. For families, it can help ensure that wealth continues to serve as a foundation for future generations. Presenting it this way shifts the focus from protection against failure to preparation for a strong, transparent partnership.

Giving space and support

Two words: Be Patient. These conversations rarely resolve in a single sitting. Your child may need time to reflect or discuss it with their partner. Respecting that space is essential. Let them know that you’d be happy to revisit the discussion later and resist the urge to press for immediate answers.

By approaching the topic with curiosity, empathy, and patience, you create the conditions for your child to see it not as pressure, but as an invitation to strengthen their relationship and honor the family’s shared legacy.

Prenuptial agreements are rarely just about money. They’re about clarity, communication, and care — for the couple, and for the generations that follow. Approached thoughtfully, they can be part of a wedding conversation that reflects not just love today, but stewardship of tomorrow.

This content is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as individualized advice or a recommendation for any specific product, strategy, or course of action. Brighton Jones, its affiliates, and employees do not provide personalized investment, financial, tax, or legal advice through this communication. This material is not intended to, and does not, create a fiduciary relationship under ERISA or any other applicable law. For individualized advice tailored to your specific circumstances, please consult with your adviser.